Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg has today made a surprise U-turn on his pledge to fight puppy killers despite making numerous promises in the Liberal Democrat manifesto and even posing with pro-puppy supporters during his election campaign. This news comes as a shock to many as Clegg had previously gone so far as to pose holding a pro-puppy poster in front of the assembled media pledging "Today i promise to fight tooth and nail to eliminate puppy slaughter from these lands. I think we can all agree that anyone found guilty of killing an innocent puppy is nothing more than an impotent wanker!"
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| Nasty Nick holding said poster |
Clegg's comments are in stark contrast to todays statements published in the Times in which Clegg claims "Look, I wish I could wave a magic wand and say hey we'll let every puppy live, but in my defence its really really moreish. I've gotta tell you i've never felt as alive as I do when you feel its neck snap between your hands. God I'm getting hard just thinking about it"
In related news the Royal Society has today published the findings of a of a 6 month long study into whether or not Nick Clegg is in fact the first ever invertebrate to be elected to the house of commons.
Professor David Madeupname stated "The findings are astonishing, Mr Clegg appears to have literally no backbone whatsoever. Instead his entire structure is held together by thick layers of cartilage and multiple internal vagina's. We think this may be the reason why Clegg is an absolutely massive pussy."
The full findings of the report are available now on the Royal Society website.
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