George Osbourne has gone too far says Lord Voldemort

In a chilling interview with Jeremy Paxman yesterday Lord Voldemort described his disbelief at Osbourne's latest round of cuts saying "I just couldn't believe what i was hearing, i mean at least when i maim and destroy families i'm completely open about it. In fact i was speaking to George the other day and some of the things he was saying about the working classes all being mudbloods really overstepped the mark. If i'm completely honest the man chills me to the bone. He had asked about becoming a death eater but i feel that he'd show the rest of us up somewhat."

The cold dead eyes, the white pallid skin, the callous look of a cold hearted killer. Oh and also above a picture of Lord Voldemort. 

Voldemort is just the latest in a string of celebrities who have come out to condemn Osbourne's actions. A Mr F. Kruger spoke of his disgust with the mans lack of conscience "George makes me sick to my stomach. I attended a meeting at the Conservative club in Hatton a few months ago and in when someone made a comment about the cuts going too far he pulled two baby rabbits from out of his breifcase and snapped their necks just to make a point. He spent the rest of the meeting bathing himself in the blood of the poor animals he'd just dispatched before removing his shirt and demanding that we each wrestle him individually. The man is a maniac."

A conservative party spokesman confirmed that the meeting took place but insisted that the rabbits were not only working class but also claiming multiple benefits and so the killings were more than justified. More to follow.