Johnson & Johnson under fire after baby lotion found to contain real babies

An investigation launched by the BBC's Panorama programme has found that the pharmaceutical company Johnson & Johnson's patented baby lotion actually contains real babies. The harrowing hour long documentary revealed a number of so called 'baby farms' dotted around northern Scotland where up to 10,000 babies at a time are kept in squalid air conditioned warehouses. Workers were filmed herding the infants around the site using rattles and soft toys while some were clearly distressed and covered in their own faeces.

AHHHRGHH AHHHRGH AHHHHRGH!!!!!

The embattled president of J&J stated in an exclusive interview with The Daily Day Today "Look if you bought a bottle of tomato sauce and it didn't have tomato in it you'd be annoyed, we're just giving the people what they want! All this stuff about people having no idea is ludicrous. We called it baby lotion for God's sake, how much more obvious do we have to be?" He later added "In our defence, we only use ginger babies wherever possible and they scare the shit out of people anyway so I don't think the public will care too much."

Panorama's John Sweeney stated "It was one of the most disgusting sights I've ever seen in my 20 years in broadcasting and I've interviewed Kerry Katona, so I think that gives some indications of what we're dealing with here. Some babies were covered in filth while others were left to cry without milk or mushed bananas. The worst part of it was the smell of Gingers was overwhelming. I hardly think its fair to keep the non-ginger babies with the ginger ones, this surely violates European human rights laws."